Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
