she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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