His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
