We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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