After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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