I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
