Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
