the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
