Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
