she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
