i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
