I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
