somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
