Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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