Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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