I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
