I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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