i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
