Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
