at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We were destined to go to rehab together
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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