just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
