I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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