I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
