Just fell off a train. Bad.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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