Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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