Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
