you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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