I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
