I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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