good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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