I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone came in the potted fern
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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