You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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