it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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