We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize