Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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