I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
