I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
