I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
