GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
