I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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