well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize