I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
