also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize