She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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