I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
