The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
