turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
