Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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