There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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