if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
