I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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