you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sext me about skeletons
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
