how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
