i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
