I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
