I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
