My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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