the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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