when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
