You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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