i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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