you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
