Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
