I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
