The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
