Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
