Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
