The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
