Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
