At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
