Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
