clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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