fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
