i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize