you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
