Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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