then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do vagina's smell?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
