One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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