I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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