you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
