The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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