This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
