My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
