I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
