I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
