The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
