first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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