I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
