Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
