I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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