physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize