Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
