you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
