dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
