question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
