there's paper in my vomit.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
